Friday, September 4, 2015

But I have to make time for myself and some changes.

I didn't get around to those posts yet. They're waiting. I was waiting on one because it's about razors and you kind of need to see them in action but I haven't used one yet. I keep forgetting. Tonight! 

I'm going to change a little about the blog. The post titles won't be me finishing the blog's title prompt. It will make it easier on me to describe the post that way. I think that's about it though. It'll still be a strange mess of whatever I like at the time. 

You know what they never tell you about mental illness? Even the stable days are hard. You still struggle even when the medication is working and you feel better. You still wake up sometimes and hate yourself, your life, being alive, the idea of going through with this for the rest of your life just breaks you. Those days still happen, even when everything is good. The fight never ends when you're at war with your own mind. You never get to lay down your sword and rest for a bit because just when you do the darkness creeps in and steals your sword. 

Every day I try to wake up prepared to fight. Some days I am not successful and darkness does it's slow creep over me. It's become a comfortable thing now, my darkness. I try to tell myself everyone deserves a day here and there, it won't hurt to take a day but it's a slippery slope. I have to wake up extra ready and have friends who are also at the ready to help me fight the next day. If the darkness gets comfortable, well there's no telling when it will leave. 

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