But I do it for my girls.

It's hard to be an introvert parent. There are birthday parties, school parties, assemblies, amusement parks, and city events. Your instinct is to stay home where it's safe, quiet, and there isn't a million people. Your children want to go and have fun and, well, be children. 

Today the littlest princess has a birthday party to go to for a classmate. I don't know a single parent or any of the other students. That's my fault, I know. My hermit lifestyle has made that happen and brought me to this point but I can't help but be anxious. 

I'm not good at small talk and I have trouble connecting with people. I always have. I've always been very shy and my mind goes blank when I try to think of things to talk about. How am I supposed to make conversation? I want my daughters to have friends and be invited places, it would just be so much easier if that didn't mean I had to go with them. 

How do you come up with things to talk about? What do you talk about when you've exhausted all subjects about school? How do you connect with other parents? How do you step out of your introvert comfort zone and give your children the fun activities they deserve? 

But it feels so good I can't stop.

I've recently taken up running. It's strange because I never thought I would be a runner. I always joked the only reason I would run was if someone was chasing me but I've caught the running bug. 

I started the C25K program 6 weeks ago. I'm only on week 4, I had to repeat a couple of weeks. Somewhere along the way I discovered the runner's high and I've been chasing it ever since. So far I can run for 5 minutes straight without stopping. Next week though, it gets pretty hardcore. The last day you run 20 minutes without stopping. I'm scared, guys! I'm not sure I can do it. I may be repeating that week a couple of times. 

I want to run a 5k. I want to do it so bad. I've never done anything like that, just the breast cancer walk. I can walk 3.1 miles now I just have to make myself able to run it. 

I started out running on the treadmill. Then one day I tried to run on a track here close to my house and I failed miserably. It was the same thing I had done on the treadmill just two days before but the track was so much harder. It had big hills and curves, it was very unforgiving. So now I run the track and my cross training is done at the gym. Usually the elliptical (a devil machine!) and some work on the weight machines. 

I'm trying to lose weight too. It's slow going. So far I've lost maybe two pounds it's a little discouraging. My littlest princess often wishes there was magic in this world. I have to agree. I wish I could magic these 40 pounds off. I'm working on my diet. I don't necessarily eat different things, except I'm eating a lot of salad, but I am eating smaller portions of what I do eat and I'm tracking my calories. I have a big problem with night eating. I wake up in the middle of the night and head for the kitchen. Does anyone else do this?

I won't look great in a bathing suit by summer but maybe next summer I'll feel comfortable in my skin. That's really all I'm hoping for. 

I'll keep you updated on how it goes. For now, it's a yucky rainy day and I'm a little sick so I'm going to go be miserable. 

well, really I do but I always forget or I don't have anything to write.

I live a pretty boring life, readers. I get the girls ready for school, I go to the grocery, I go to the gym (anxiety central), I sometimes run at the park, when the girls get home we talk about school and then I make dinner and we hang out and do our own thing. I don't have much of a life to blog about and I haven't been getting anything to review lately. I did get some pretty nice e-juice I could review. I think I'll do a post about that. Maybe today. I need to take some pictures.

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia finally. It's nice to have a doctor agree with what you thought was going on. I have a pain creme to use right now but it's a hassle to put on. I may be looking into injections to keep the pain away. I can't use the medications for Fibro because they are generally SSRI based and there's always the risk that they will throw me into a manic state. That's not something that I'm willing to risk when I've got myself semi-stable. I still have down days, especially when the fibro flares up on me, but it's more like 1 or 2 days a week as opposed to 4-5. Sometimes you have to just be happy with what you can get.

I saw an endocrinologist recently. I don't have any positives or negatives yet. He changed my thyroid medicine and wants lab work in 6 weeks then wants to see me in 8 weeks to see how I'm doing. So far the fatigue has gotten a little worse. My weight refuses to budge, my hands and feet are still so dry it's almost painful sometimes, even though I put lotion on them all the time, my hair isn't growing back in as thick as it was, my nails are pitiful. Any time they get a little bit of free edge, it breaks. It just bends and breaks at any little thing. One thing I question though, I think I heard the Endo say TSH is the only indicator of hypo thyroid and if he did say that, I've got a doctor who doesn't know what he's talking about and need a new one. The tests he ordered include T4 and free T3 though, so maybe he didn't say that. Maybe he said, "isn't". I hope so.

I've decided I'm tired of being out of shape. I've started C25K and some strength training. I'm basically doing the same strength training routine I was doing when I was going to Medfit but I think next time I go into the Y I'm going to ask one of the Wellness Coaches to make up a workout for me. There are so many machines that I don't use that I would like to incorporate into my workout. I'm just not sure what they do and I would like to know before I jump onto them.

I've started the T25 program. I've good things about it from a friend. I started it on a Thursday and the calendar starts on a Monday so I'm going to wait and start over Monday. I'm going to be doing it on top of my usual gym workouts. Hopefully I'll start seeing some results. I'm not optimistic. My diet is atrocious. Some days I can manage to stay below my calories but there are many days when I go over. I usually try to do extra to burn it off when I go over but most days it's late night eating that gets me. I need to talk to my psychiatrist and see if there's anything we can add that can curb my appetite so I don't do that. It's wrecking any progress I make.

I'm on the semi-injured list right now. Last Friday I ran/walked 3.6 miles doing C25K plus a little extra because the track I was on doesn't end when C25K does and I had to finish it out. I felt fine Friday but Saturday when I woke up it was hard to put weight on my right foot. Pain was going across the middle of it and up to my ankle when I took a step. Tuesday I thought it was better and I could run through the little bit of pain that was left but I was wrong, it wasn't ready. It seems to be a little better now. I did T25 cardio yesterday and there's a lot of hopping and jogging and there wasn't any shooting pain. Maybe by Monday I'll be able to start C25K Week 3 Day 1.

I'm not going to lie, I'm scared of Week 3. I had a lot of trouble with Week 2. Week 3 cuts out 30 seconds of walking time. It's the same running time, 1.5 minutes just less walking time. I'm still not doing very well in the breathing department and I get very bad dry mouth. I think I'm going to have to start running with a water bottle. When I'm on the treadmill I have a bottle of water right there with me, outside I usually have to wait until I get back to my truck and take a break. I don't want to take breaks though. I want to be able to run it all the way through. I'm thinking of taking my inhaler next time I run at Perrin Park and see if it helps me any with my breathing.

I'm still vaping, I'm thinking of lowering my nicotine level with my next order. It'll probably make me go through juice faster but I need to learn to moderate myself. I need to get down to a low level. Preferably 0. That would be great. I recently ordered a sample pack from Vape Wild and it's wonderful. I'll try to throw a review up soon. If I remember.

I think that's it. My apologies for being a terrible blogger. I don't think anyone actually reads this anyway.