Wednesday, December 18, 2013

...but sometimes my medicine decides to give me time.

Today was one of those days. I woke up easier than usual and that should have been a sign. My body still hurt, like always, but my brain was ready. Anyone who has been down the bipolar road knows that your body often wins. 

I managed to get the girls ready and off to school. Score one for functioning like a normal adult! I got to Medfit okay and even made it (slowly, mind you) through my workout. My blood pressure was high and that's abnormal for me. After picking up my sister and my youngest, drinking some hot chocolate and eating some food I could feel a crash coming. I set my sister up for babysitting and prepared. 

The crash lasted about 3-4 hours. I can't stand it when they come on. Having to out everything on hold so my brain can try to figure out what the nerves, chemicals and other vital functions of my body are supposed to be doing and try to get them all back in line is not awesome. I try to avoid not awesome things. 

Sometimes I think, "I want my body back." Then I remember I'm 29 and was diagnosed at 14. I never had my body to begin with. More than half of my life has been spent trying to figure out how to clean up the aftermath of the crashes. 

I called my psychiatrist with complaints of breast tenderness and the medication she suggested is currently settling and going through lawsuits because it caused men to grow breasts. I believe I'll pass, ma'am. This is strike one. She gets three and I request a new doctor. 

I've seen bipolar disorder referred to as a roller coaster. Let me tell you, I usually don't like those either. 

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