Friday, January 2, 2015

and even when I do. I don't post.

You may have noticed by now, blog, I'm terrible at updating. My posts are sporadic at best, sometimes coming in spurts then not coming at all. Is it a symptom of my disorder or just downright laziness? Is it because the girls always have the computer and I don't like posting from my phone? Maybe because I don't really think I'm interesting enough to create the journal-like entries and I can never think of things to review. Sure I could review e-juice but I'm not like some people who can find different flavor profiles and such. To me it's either good for one reason or another or it's not.

I had surgery on my nose and let me tell you, it was not fun. I'm still sore and it's been almost a month. There are still stitches in there too. I'm supposed to be able to breathe better but I feel congested today. I could be getting some kind of head cold or other sinus related problem or my body could just be telling me what I've always known: it hates me. No matter what I do to fix it it's always going to laugh maniacally and find another way to make me miserable.

The holidays were wonderful. Thanksgiving (It's very hard not to type Thanksgibbing as is tradition with my cousin and me) was full of delicious food and a lively game of Trivial Pursuit until 2 am with my family. My team lost but I got a few good answers in that no one expected.
My girls loved Christmas, they got everything they wanted and a few things they didn't expect. The littlest princess has been so excited to ride her bike she can't hardly stand it but the only day it was warm enough for them to go out, it rained on her. Her poor little heart was broken. Christmas dinner was another night where we stuffed ourselves and then fought our way through a game of Trivial Pursuit. Our game is a mismatch of three or four different games but we were unable to find a new version of the game within a 40 mile radius.

I've become what I never thought I would be, blog. I'm a coffee drinker. Not a "give me coffee or give me death" kind of drinker, just a regular drinker. I never liked coffee before, it was always too bitter. I've found that I can drink dark roast if I doctor the heck out of it. Lots of sugar, lots of creamer...flavored please. I can't just go into Starbucks or McDonald's and order a coffee. Their's is still too bitter for me but the stuff I make at home and the stuff that comes out of the gas station cappuccino machines works pretty well for me.

My girls are doing amazing in school. I couldn't be more proud of them. One is getting all A honor roll in advanced classes and the other is splitting her time between Kindergarten and first grade. They're on winter break now. I think I'm the only one ready to get our routine back. They're content staying up all hours of the night and watching random YouTube videos all day.

So far, I think I've managed to get stable as far as my bipolar goes. I still have my bad days, my can't get out of bed days. Pizza Roll days. I've had a few manic days where my thoughts race and get obsessive and days where my thoughts seem to just be black clouds. Overall though, I'm getting the girls to school, making sure they're fed, homework is done, baths are taken, clothes are washed, and love is handed out. I think that's the best I can hope for right now. It might not seem like a lot to you blog, but compared to me a year ago, two years ago, it seems like I've climbed a mountain. The next step is getting myself healthy. It's hard. I'm fighting bipolar disorder, hypothyroidism, possibly fibromyalgia. Some days there's just no motivation to be found.

This has gotten long blog. I'm not sure anyone is even reading. If you're out there, leave a comment. I'd love to hear from you.

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