Thursday, July 3, 2014

but sometimes I need to take the time to just shut down.

I'm not having a good week readers.

First, I've got shingles. Shingles, Not Just For Old People. Apparently my grandmother, aunt, and uncle have all had them. I was lucky to catch a fairly weak version but it still hurts and itches and I'm uncomfortable and WAAHHH.

Second, I think the medicine the doctor gave me has thrown me into a depression. I just can't shake it. There's nothing outside of this bed that interests me. I really hate the way taking a medication to help one illness can throw off months worth of progress. I haven't been this down in a while. The worhtlessness, the hopelessness. The wanting to check myself into a center for a while but fearing losing my children. I really hope it's the medicine and not something creeping in. I don't want to spend weeks under this.

In the interest of making this a happy post, I've quite smoking. I've started vaping. I love it. I love the flavors, the ease. I love shopping for flavors, looking at the mods, learning new things about it. I feel so much better. No more coughing. I still have trouble breathing but I blame that on allergies (I start allergy shots next week).

My oldest turns 11 next week. I'm prepared to cry like a baby. I know I will. Just not when anyone is around. We're camping for her birthday the week of the 18th. Hopefully I remember to take a lot of pictures that I can make a happy post with. I owe my blog a happy post.

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