Free Therapy, right outside my door.

I started reading a book yesterday, Tales From Another Mother Runner by Dimity McDowell, and I haven't gotten very far through it but there were parts where they were talking about why they run or why they started running. It's been on my mind since and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it so I figured I'd revive my blog.

Most people run so they can get healthy, so they can have that extra piece of cake. They run because runner's high is real and it's wonderful. They run because the sense of accomplishment at the end of a marathon is an amazing feeling (I imagine, I haven't even done a 5k). There are a multitude of reasons why people run and I'm sure if you asked every runner their reason would be slightly different than the one before.

I've obviously mentioned many times in this blog that I'm bipolar. I've talked about being in the hospital and going to therapy, about medication and maybe about the coping skills they keep trying to teach me. 

None of that is as good as running. Running is my best therapy. I go out on the road, put my earbuds in, and for thirty minutes to an hour everything just kind of fades away. I'm not a mom trying to figure out bills, I'm not a daughter worried about her sick mom and Mamaw, I'm not the woman with bipolar disorder constantly worrying when the next depression is coming or if I'm going to be hypomanic and do something I'll regret. It's me, my music, and the road. It's simple, isn't it? One foot in front of the other, breathe in and breathe out. I don't have to think about anything but when to turn and, "Are there any cars coming?" 

I used to joke, "If you see me running rest assured, someone is chasing me." Now it's a stress reliever, a way to clear my head, and yes, a way to catch that high you get after a run. Nothing touches that feeling. (Okay, maybe really good sex.) There's a very noticeable difference between my moods on days I run and days I don't. (I haven't been running lately and I've been very meh and sluggish. Summer tends to throw my running off.) I think everyone prefers the days I head out for a run, I know I do. 

I know there really isn't anyone that reads this but I'll end with a question anyway. What's your therapy? What do you do on those days when you've just had it and you need to do something to fix yourself? 

But it's summer break and we're going crazy.

Our summer break here is pretty short. June 6 (I think) until July 30. We have an irregular schedule. We get two weeks off for fall break, winter break and Spring break. Although this year if we have a lot of snow days like last year they'll be making them up during the first week of spring break. 

I've barely even running at all I have no motivation. I can't go to the park anymore because of the girls and it's so much trouble loading them up and walking to borrow a car; by the time I get to the Y I'm so frustrated with everything that I just can't zone out in my run like I usually do. I just keep thinking about how long I have left 

We have been going swimming quite a bit and The Littlest Princess is taking swim lessons. We've gone to Kentucky Kingdom a few times but we've gotten rained out every time. The weather says storms all this week too. I'd like to go back before school starts again. 

The Littlest Princess had to get glasses. She so excited about having glasses she's super careful about them and wears them every second she can. 

The Eldest Princess turned 12 on the 8th of July. I'm so proud of the young woman she is growing up to be. She's so beautiful inside and out and I don't feel like I deserve to have such an amazing, intelligent, beautiful young woman as my daughter. 

I don't want to talk about relationships, mainly because I don't have one, can't maintain one, and am all around terrible at being a girlfriend 

Maisy Louise Price has settled into our house nicely. She's getting along with GR and she loves to be loved. Cat therapy is the best therapy. 

My mental state is like a little kid playing with a yo-yo. Sometimes it gets stuck down and sometimes you can make it go super fast. I'm working on it 

Still vaping, still loving it. I don't even really need the nicotine. I went without it in the hospital. No patch or anything like the rest of the smokers had. I could probably vape 0mg and be cool with it. 

My eyes are getting heavy. I think that means it's time to get about 4-5 hours of sleep. 

But it feels so good I can't stop.

I've recently taken up running. It's strange because I never thought I would be a runner. I always joked the only reason I would run was if someone was chasing me but I've caught the running bug. 

I started the C25K program 6 weeks ago. I'm only on week 4, I had to repeat a couple of weeks. Somewhere along the way I discovered the runner's high and I've been chasing it ever since. So far I can run for 5 minutes straight without stopping. Next week though, it gets pretty hardcore. The last day you run 20 minutes without stopping. I'm scared, guys! I'm not sure I can do it. I may be repeating that week a couple of times. 

I want to run a 5k. I want to do it so bad. I've never done anything like that, just the breast cancer walk. I can walk 3.1 miles now I just have to make myself able to run it. 

I started out running on the treadmill. Then one day I tried to run on a track here close to my house and I failed miserably. It was the same thing I had done on the treadmill just two days before but the track was so much harder. It had big hills and curves, it was very unforgiving. So now I run the track and my cross training is done at the gym. Usually the elliptical (a devil machine!) and some work on the weight machines. 

I'm trying to lose weight too. It's slow going. So far I've lost maybe two pounds it's a little discouraging. My littlest princess often wishes there was magic in this world. I have to agree. I wish I could magic these 40 pounds off. I'm working on my diet. I don't necessarily eat different things, except I'm eating a lot of salad, but I am eating smaller portions of what I do eat and I'm tracking my calories. I have a big problem with night eating. I wake up in the middle of the night and head for the kitchen. Does anyone else do this?

I won't look great in a bathing suit by summer but maybe next summer I'll feel comfortable in my skin. That's really all I'm hoping for. 

I'll keep you updated on how it goes. For now, it's a yucky rainy day and I'm a little sick so I'm going to go be miserable.